Marriage, Tornadoes, Chocolate, and Other Buzzwords

I’m surprised Child Protective Services hasn’t taken custody of my blog yet, given how much I neglect it. But you know what they say, absent parents make for interesting adults. (Wow, that was kind of dark.) Let’s lighten things up. I got married last month! Some of you already know this, but to others, this is breaking news. I think it’s because Facebook didn’t say I was married until a few days ago. And if it’s not on Facebook, it never happened. Existential social media discussions aside, this post is a comprehensive update of my life today. You’ll get the inside scoop on my current whereabouts, my favorite podcasts, desired pastimes–everything you need to know to hack my passwords. I know, I know, that’s what journals are for. But most days I can barely read my own handwriting. And if I want my post-cursive posterity to know me in this Year of the Dog, I must leave an online record.

GRANESSABAMA

Granessabama is the name of this new chapter in my life and potential Instagram hashtag. It represents two firsts: my first time being a married human, and my first time living in the South. I am married to Graham (hence Granessa). This confuses people. Weren’t you guys engaged like a year ago? Weren’t you already married? Long, boring story short: Graham and I met on our missions in Japan in 2015, started dating at the end of 2016, got engaged in early 2017, broke up over the summer, then started dating again later that year, got engaged again in February, and here we are, married, sharing a fridge. Which brings me to the next part: BAMA. Graham is a Japanese translator in a Toyota factory in Huntsville, Alabama. Have you ever heard of Huntsville? I hadn’t until last year. Come to think about, I don’t think I knew anything about Alabama. But now that I live here, the podcasts I listen to, the books I read, all seem to talk about this place (see Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon). Helen Keller lived here. Harper Lee died here. And the first lynching memorial was started here–and by here I mean 200 miles south of here. Alabama is a hub for some pretty cool stuff. Stay tuned. Huntsville is close to the Tennessee border, a zit in the middle of Alabama’s forehead. It is the fourth-largest city in the state; it gathers all sorts of humans: engineers, NASApeople, armyhumans, and skill-less studenteers (yours truly). Huntsville is a quiet place, but not A Quiet Place, though we did have a tornado warning today and I fidgeted with my key for three whole minutes before I got into my apartment #almostdied. (Also, this was the first song that popped into my head when the tornado siren went off.)

WHAT I DO

Most days, I apply for jobs, check my credit score, and guess the suspect in the next episode of Hawaii Five-O. After almost dying from the Season 4 finale of Jane the Virgin, going into a mild depression after learning that Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is in its final season, I nominated Hawaii Five-O as my summer binge. Earlier this year, I watched season 7 and 8 simultaneously, then season 6 backward, but I was missing so much plot, shockingly. So I started from the beginning. Here’s a breakdown of every episode:

• Civilians are exploring a remote part of the island, find a dead body, screech, cue theme song, subliminal messaging of hot bikini girl 
• Two hunky white guy cops arrive on the scene, pick on the nerdy Asian medical examiner (no stereotypes here)
• One of the first three new people you meet in the show is the killer, ALMOST ALWAYS
• If not, blame the current crime family
• Konno, the hot surfer girl cop, is sexually harassed by every man she meets
• People get shot. This goes two ways: 1) the only person who can give you the information you need dies instantly, or 2) they survive, but are later hunted down in the hospital by an assassin in nurse’s clothes
• Chase scene, lots of shooting, Five-O bursts into different remote part of the island, just as a criminal has a gun to his second victim’s head (the timing is impeccable) 
• Kamekona, criminal informant and food truck owner, overcharges everyone for garlic shrimp
• Everyone on Five-O team lives, immortal from the unicorn blood they drink.

WHAT I WANT TO DO MORE OF

I want to write so much more than I do now. Why don’t I? Storytime: Last semester, I went to the career services office at BYU, where I participated in a mock interview. My mock interviewer asked me about my weaknesses, and I couldn’t think of one. Not because I don’t have any, but how personal do I want to get with my future employer? I eventually chose perfectionism as my weakness.  After the interview, my MI told me that in the hiring world, perfectionism is a yuppie way of saying “Gee, my biggest weakness is that I want to do everything perfectly. So, when’s my first day?” That was so strange to me. I guess there are people out there that are functioning perfectionists, performing every task with great precision without losing their minds. But for me, perfectionism doesn’t propel me to succeed and do more; it keeps me from wanting to do anything. I don’t want to write because I’m afraid it won’t be exactly how I want it. And the longer I don’t do it, the more out of practice I am, and the further from perfect it will be, and greater the anxiety grows and...imagine if I tried to explain all this to a future employer? Methinks they would thinkme a blubbering, blubbery fool and send me back to Indeed where I came from.

Here’s what I’m learning: To be a writer, you only need be good at writing, not even great at writing. And if I want to be a writer, I have to write. Because writers write when they want to, when they don’t want to, when their material is brilliant, and when it’s downright dumb. So, here’s my pledge to keep writing. On a more delicious note, I also want to bake more! I’ve always loved cooking, and I’ve always loved sweets. As of late, I have been making many a Mexican chocolate treat. Chocolate + Cinnamon + Cayenne never gets old to me and it tastes good in everything: cinnamon rolls, cake, even ice cream. Here’s the recipe for the yummiest cake I made for Graham’s birthday. I’ve never felt so not guilty for eating so much cake.

FIVE PODCASTS TO DRIVE BY The Year of the Dog has also become the Year of the Podcast. I LOVE PODCASTS. Here are a few of my favorites (and yes, most of them are produced by the same people #WNYCstudios): On the Media: media analysts Brooke Gladstone and Bob Garfield investigate how media shapes our worldview. That sentence was really boring, but I promise this is interesting and thought-provoking. Radiolab: a fun podcast that explores science, technology, and some politics. I never thought I’d be into a science/tech podcast, but the editing and music are incredible. Caught: A mini-series that explores the juvenile justice system; they interview a lot of teens in and out of prison. SO GOOD (the podcast, not our justice system). Stuff You Missed in History Class: If you like random stories from 400 years ago, you’ll love it. Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness: You know that guy with the luscious hair on Queer Eye? Well, he has a podcast where he talks about anything from history to politics to pop culture. I hate when any piece of writing ends with "in conclusion." It's the boring, adult version of "and they lived happily ever after." We all have egos that need to be fed, so if you like what you read, let me know. If you don't, kidnap me so I can have more interesting things to write about.